{"product_id":"i-do-again-how-we-found-a-second-chance-at-our-marriage-and-you-can-too","title":"I Do Again: How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage--and You Can Too","description":"\u003cp\u003eAn attractive young couple, Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs seemed to have it all: professional success, adorable twin daughters, and a good marriage. But their picture-perfect image concealed a widening chasm between two people unable to connect on an intimate, soul-deep level.\u003c\/p\u003e \n\n\u003cp\u003eTen disappointing years of marriage. Seven painful years of divorce. One remarkable, true-life story of a love rescued by God.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAfter years of frustration, Cheryl's longing for emotional fulfillment led to an affair and, finally, a divorce that left Jeff utterly devastated and seething with anger. Yet, incredibly, seven years later, Jeff and Cheryl once again stood at the altar, promising to \"love, honor, and cherish\" one another. A new and vibrant love had risen out of the ashes of this family's pain.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI Do Again reveals the hidden secrets that slowly destroyed this marriage and the spiritual awakening that opened the way to healing. A riveting account of the power of prayer and redemption, this remarkable book offers renewed hope for even the most troubled marriages-and reveals why the rewards of restoration are well worth the wait.\u003c\/p\u003e \n\n\n\n\u003cp\u003eAbout the Author\u003cbr\u003e\nJeff \u0026amp; Cheryl Scruggs are the authors of I Do Again, as well as speakers and counselors. Their remarkable and life-changing story has been featured on The Today Show, I Am Second, Focus on the Family, Family Life with Dennis Rainey, Life Today, and more. Jeff \u0026amp; Cheryl are also the founders of Hope Matters Marriage Ministries. Their ministry includes sharing God's heart for marriage and as they passionately seek to help make marriages whole in His power. Jeff \u0026amp; Cheryl are intimately familiar with a marriage focused on the principles of the world and the heartbreak and pain from a divorce, and the deep rooted hope and joy of a fully restored marriage centered on God. Visit their ministry website at www.hopeformarriages.com.\u003c\/p\u003e \n\n\u003cp\u003eExcerpt. ' Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.\u003cbr\u003e\nCheryl\u003cbr\u003e\nOctober 1999\u003cbr\u003e\n\"Do you, Jeff, take Cheryl to be your wife, to love her, honor her, and cherish her, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI looked into Jeff 's eyes and held both of his trembling hands. He looked back at me, but neither of us could see very well for the tears-mine boldly streaming down my cheeks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"I do.\" Jeff 's voice was low but strong. The words echoed in my mind. I do. I do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe minister repeated the words, this time to me, and it was my turn to say it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI meant it with every fiber of my being. I wanted to shout it to everyone within hearing distance, scrawl it on the walls, write it in the sky.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"I do!\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI glanced around me. The tiny chapel nestled in the Colorado mountains was awash with rainbow-hued sunlight streaming through stainedglass windows, as if God was personally pouring down his blessings on our little ceremony. I felt a chill run down my spine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"What token of your love do you offer?\" Jeff and I watched as our twin daughters, eleven years old and sparkling in off-white dresses with matching shoes and tights, stepped forward to offer the minister our wedding bands. Brand-new rings, simple and elegant, perfect for our brand-new life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"With this ring, I thee wed.\"We repeated the words, mindful that we'd said them before but knowing this time it was different. I could barely remember the ceremony seventeen years earlier when I'd first promised to love, honor, and cherish Jeff. I didn't keep my promise. But this time I would. As Jeff 's eyes locked on to mine, I knew he was thinking the same thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"I now pronounce you husband and wife.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSuch simple words: Now. Husband.Wife.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSo familiar, yet so...unbelievable. How long had I anticipated this moment? Seven years, for sure.Or was it more like eighteen? My entire life?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eJeff and I shared a kiss and then pulled our daughters into the embrace. A family hug. We squeezed each other tightly while our tears flowed, and it was all I could do to keep my knees from buckling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWe stood there, embracing, wiping each other's tears, and laughing together. I smiled at my incredible husband, my heart overflowing with gratitude.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSo much gratitude. A whole new life together. It couldn't possibly be real. We were a family again.Who would have thought? Who in the world could ever have thought this would happen?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCheryl\u003cbr\u003e\n2007\u003cbr\u003e\n\"I don't love him anymore.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAmy has barely gotten herself settled on the couch in my office when she blurts out her opening line. She is brunette, petite, and cute, wearing fashionable jeans and just a touch of makeup. She's the picture of a suburban, got-it-all-together mom-every hair in place, her haircut the latest in chic. Only her expression gives her away. She stares at me, defiant. I recognize the anger. Been there, done that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Your husband.\"Who else would she be talking about?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Actually, I don't know if I ever loved him.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHere we go again, I think, my stomach clenching. How many times have I heard the grief, seen the desperation, felt the rage? How many times has my heart broken for a despairing woman who's come for counseling\u003cbr\u003e\nbecause she's lost all hope of her marriage ever working? There are so many hurting couples, so many troubled souls.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Okay. Let's talk about it.\" I open my notepad and prepare to hear the familiar words. She has no feelings left. She is numb. Wants out of the marriage. Never should have married him in the first place.What was she thinking? Picked the wrong guy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAmy takes a breath and hardly veers from the speech I'd anticipated.\u003cbr\u003e\n\"We're separated right now. John doesn't love me-he doesn't even know me. It feels like he never wanted to know me. We don't talk-we never have. He doesn't care who I am.\" She pauses. \"I know this is wrong. I feel bad about the kids and everything, but I can't take it anymore. I don't feel like I can do this one more day.\" She looks away. There is more, but she's suddenly clammed up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Sounds like you're in a lot of pain.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eShe fidgets. Her stony glare has departed, and now her eyes flit around the edges of the room. I try again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Can you tell me why you don't love him anymore?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"I told you-he doesn't love me. It's dead. There's nothing there. This isn't a marriage. I'm done.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Why did you want to talk to me?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"I just... I didn't know what to do. I want out. But I know I'm supposed to...you know, try. Everyone says get counseling. So here I am.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Are you looking for a way out, or are you hoping we might find a way to make your marriage work?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe defiant stare is back. She looks at me, her eyes steely. \"No, I... I can't do it.\" She is suddenly looking at her lap.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI consider her eyes, her body language. I try to listen to the words she hasn't spoken. She's clearly battered, beaten up emotionally. She feels unloved and worthless. And I wonder, Has she met someone who makes her\u003cbr\u003e\nfeel loved again?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI've never met Amy before, but I've seen her countless times, sitting here on my office couch...or sobbing tome over coffee.Other Amys.Other women who find themselves at the same terrible crossroads.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI was Amy once. And while my heart breaks for her, it simultaneously surges with hope. If only...\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eOh, God...My silent words are a prayer, both for Amy and for me.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eCheryl\u003cbr\u003e\n1992\u003cbr\u003e\nAugust 21, 1992. The worst day of my life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTen years after walking down the aisle as a young, hope-filled bride, I walked into a courtroom to claim a different kind of hope: liberation from my awful marriage. This was the day I'd obtain the freedom to be with my\u003cbr\u003e\nnew love, the soul mate I thought I'd finally found. Today I'd hold in my hands the piece of paper I'd been coveting, the ticket to a whole new and much better life. I stood in front of the judge and told him Iwanted a divorce.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eEarlier that morning, I lay in bed for a moment after shutting off the alarm, groggy with sleep. Something's happening today. What is it? I tried to clear the fog from my brain, and then my heart lurched as I remembered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eToday's the day!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI waited for the excitement to kick in. You're free today, Cheryl! You've been waiting for this for so long! But I felt heavy and unable to move. What is wrong with me?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe morning passed in a haze as I readied Brittany and Lauren for preschool and got the three of us out the door. I tried to ignore the dull ache in my stomach. Breakfast was out of the question, and it was all I could do to sip a cup of coffee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAfter dropping off the girls, I sat in traffic on my way to the Collin County Courthouse in McKinney, Texas.With a few moments to think, I tried talking some sense into myself. Buck up, girl! This is what you wanted...the day you've been waiting for! You're finally going to be happy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFor the tiniest moment, I glimpsed a truth I didn't want to see through a crack in the strong facade I'd built around myself.What if I was making a mistake?What if my traitorous stomach was trying to tell me something?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNo. I won't go there. I'm almost to the courthouse; I'm about to get what I wanted. I've always worked so hard, and getting what I want has never come easily. Right now, what I want is freedom, and by gosh, I am going to get it. I can't allow any negative thoughts to distract me.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe cold institutional hallway of the courthouse gave me shivers as I stood waiting for an elevator. Although the hustle and bustle of people surrounded me, I had never felt more alone. But I had on a classy suit, stylish\u003cbr\u003e\nheels, and my best determined smile, and I maintained my composure like a pro. Nobody would know I had the least bit of emotion in me. The reality was that feelings swirled insidemy head andmy heart, and I just wanted\u003cbr\u003e\nto go home, pull the covers over my head, and pretendmy life did not exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI met my attorney at the door of the courtroom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Good morning.\"His voice was low and smooth, all business. \"Today's the day.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI nodded, uncharacteristically mute.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI don't remember what happened next. I suppose there were other cases before the judge, other lives being turned upside down. All I know for sure is that my internal battle was raging and I fought to keep it quiet, to disregard it altogether, and make sure the cool detached expression remained plastered on my face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFinally it was my turn, and I stood, trembling visibly, next to my lawyer, facing the judge. Words were spoken; questions were asked. Did I want a divorce? Yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBut at the moment, I couldn't remember why.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe judge wanted to know why my husband wasn't there. How could I tell him that Jeff had not wanted the divorce? That he'd fought against it? Through tears of anguish he'd pleaded with me to change my mind. He\u003cbr\u003e\nprayed for reconciliation.He hoped for another chance.He yearned for my heart to soften. But he lost.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAt that instant, standing in the courtroom, I felt like a horrible person. I wanted to turn to the strangers around me and let them know I was a good person. I really was. I loved being a wife and wanted to be a good one.\u003cbr\u003e\nI absolutely loved being a mom. Yet I could not go on in the emptiness...or in the dreadful lack of intimacy. I was dedicated and loyal, trustworthy and sweet. But I could not see any other way out of the chronic ache I had felt for years. I had worked it out in my mind and saw no option other than to escape and start over. I knew I would have a label now, even in Jeff 's mind, of being an adulterer and a mean person. But the truth was that I\u003cbr\u003e\nwas broken and hurting. How could I tell everyone this when my actions seemed to say the opposite?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Jeff needed to work today,\" I told the judge, who nodded. I don't think he believed it for a second.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eJeff was at the office, all right. I stood in front of the bench, wondering what was running through his mind as he sat at his desk attempting to work.Would he cry?Was he angry? How was he dealing with the fact that his marriage and family were being ripped apart? How did he feel knowing he would soon officially be a single, divorced dad?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd what right had I to be worried about any of that? I was the cause of it. It was a little late for me to be worried about Jeff 's feelings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Divorce granted.\" The gavel went down with an authoritative thud.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWas it my imagination, or did the judge look a little sad? Perhaps disappointed. I wondered what it must be like to preside over the dissolution of families all day long. That word-dissolution-so cold and impersonal. I\u003cbr\u003e\nthink the judge knew better. I think he knew he was seeing devastation... wreckage...sorrow...and there was nothing he could do but bang his gavel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe sound of that gavel nearly did me in. My hand went to my chest as I felt my heart explode into palpitations like I'd never felt before. The urge to throw up became overwhelming, and it took every ounce of willpower to steady myself and walk to the rear of the courtroom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMy echoing footsteps seemed to pound in my head as I walked down the dreary hallway. Next to me, my attorney was oblivious, moving quickly as always, focused on his dinner plans or his next case. He stopped when we reached the front entrance to the courthouse. At the top of the steps, he offered his hand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Congratulations,\" he said, giving me a satisfied, I-just-won-a-case smile.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Mmm hmm...\" I shook his hand, but could not muster a response.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Congratulations.\" Did I deserve that? Did he? Something told me the answer was no. But this was what I'd wanted, fought for, worked toward.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd here it was.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAs I drove away from the courthouse, I finally admitted to myself that I was confused. I had honestly expected to feel elated on this day, ready to break out the champagne and celebrate. I hadn't allowed myself to doubt\u003cbr\u003e\nthe course I was on. For over two years I had known in my heart that divorce was the right way to go. The only way to go. It was the single remedy I could fathom for my despairing hopelessness-the only way to find\u003cbr\u003e\nhappiness. It was the only way to finally be withmy new love, who was even now awaiting my phone call. I scolded myself for being so emotional and decided it was just the newness of the situation that was making me feel so desolate. Soon the excitement of freedom would kick in. Besides, I had no time for wallowing. I had to get to the bank.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI stood in the crowded line, tapping my foot, my eyes darting around impatiently at all the people waiting to do their banking.Was anyone else here to divide up a shared existence? It struck me as odd that a relationship-\u003cbr\u003e\na life-could be reduced to a few lines on a computer screen and declared finished as the numbers were separated and allocated. One life becomes two, just like that. Visions of my sweet family flashed in my\u003cbr\u003e\nmind-family portraits, candid shots-but I thrust them away, an expert now at doing so.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"How are you today?\" the teller asked, as I pushed my paperwork toward her.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Okay.\" I managed a bittersweet smile. As she clicked her keyboard and took care of the details of financial distribution, she must have known better. But she gave me a perky smile right back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Let me go print out the checks.\" She walked away as I nodded.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHalf an hour later I stood hesitantly at Jeff 's office and gave a small knock. He looked up and slowly leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. His red and swollen eyes spoke volumes. But his face was hard, giving\u003cbr\u003e\nnothing away. If I had to say what I saw in his expression, I would have said disbelief. He truly could not fathom that this was happening.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI inched my way toward his desk and held out the check for his half. I couldn't say anything, and neither could he. Jeff looked at the check, then as he tilted his head, his eyes met mine. His hand did not lift to take the check. Slowly I lowered it to the desk, and Jeff 's eyes followed it. He stared at the piece of paper.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI read his mind and answered silently. Yes, this is what it comes down to. A number with a dollar sign next to it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI turned and walked slowly toward the door. When I got there, I stopped and faced him again, my eyes brimming with tears and my heart aching with sorrow. I wanted to run into his arms but held myself back,\u003cbr\u003e\nbriefly wondering at this crazy desire.What was wrong with me?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe look on his face stung. I couldn't believe that after all this time he could still appear so...shocked. I had to ask him a question.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Did you really think this was going to happen?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI don't know what I expected him to say. Part of me harbored an irrational hope that Jeff would suddenly be happy about the divorce-that he would confirm that I'd done the right thing. I needed to hear it. I needed\u003cbr\u003e\nabsolution.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\"Not until this very moment, Cheryl.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFor a moment I stood paralyzed as the truth hit me. There is not a more heartbreaking sight in the world than a man whose spirit has been crushed. That was the man I saw in front of me. My ex-husband.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eI quietly opened the door and walked out of Jeff 's office, out of his life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFor good, I thought. My life and my family's lives were changed forever.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Scruggs, Cheryl; Scruggs, Jeff","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45282848407871,"sku":"9781400074457","price":13.64,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0727\/8883\/6671\/products\/9781400074457.jpg?v=1686016191","url":"https:\/\/www.aslanchristianbooks.com\/products\/i-do-again-how-we-found-a-second-chance-at-our-marriage-and-you-can-too","provider":"Aslan Christian Books","version":"1.0","type":"link"}